I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
