I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
