Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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