I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
