he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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