Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
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I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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