; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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