We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Oh god it's open bar.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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