is your mom at the bar?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
