I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
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I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.