Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The air taste purple.
Randomize
