Soap is not a condiment
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
