My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
