Slut skills are useful in every country.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
