I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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