so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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