Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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