I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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