where does the pee come out of this thing
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
