Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
