I accidentally had phone sex last night
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
