Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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