I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
