I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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