she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
