Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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