Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
