I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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