If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
