It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
