I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
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Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
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how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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