Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
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Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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