just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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