After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize