So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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