Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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