You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
