i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
