Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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