You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
