I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
