At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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