i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
