I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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