24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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