so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
