About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
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But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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