That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
