We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
