im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
