he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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