Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
