no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
