Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
