his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
