I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
