Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
