we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
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