I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
