You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
