I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
