Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
