Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
