Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
