our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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