I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
