what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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