just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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