All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
