honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
