Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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